[Privat] Game of Thrones - Winter Love

Jon was inclined to laugh along with her, the situation was ridiculous, they had both been to certain in their convitions with what the other thought. The day they started to take Winterfell back, when he saw how clever she was, even if she didn't trust him enough to tell him about the Knights of the Vale. Jon had seen how strong she was, how clever and beautiful she was. His heart had thumped against his chest each time she smiled or took his hand. How passionate they were for their family and home, that was something that will always unite them, hopefully. The time on Dragonstone hadn't helped, his feelings for Dany was true but his heart had always been in Winterfell.

He wasn't certain where they stood, Jon could hardly believe that she felt the same way, not that he wasn't happy, just surprised, to say the least. He hadn't noticed anything of the sort, mayhaps she had been somewhat confrontational with Dany but he thought that was because of something else, not him. Mayhaps it had not been only because of him, just a small part. He was fooling himself for a long time with why he did what he did for her, that it was just for the people, to keep them safe, not just for the love of a woman, but love is the death of duty, as Maester Aemon had said. It was true, men had done strange things for love, most of them had been from his own family.

He laughed with her, unable to contain himself at the , as Sansa said, irony. "At lesat now we know." Jon finally manages to take another step towards her, becoming serious again. "What do you wish to do, Sansa? this is not my decision" He didn't want to force her into anything, and her reputation was immensely important, his was not, he was a wildling now, even if some of them had moved to the Gift. He would like nothing more than to stay in Wintefell with Sansa, and Gods, have children. The thought was strange, it had been a long time since he had thought of children, it was with Ygritte and that was a lifetime ago.
His whole life had been strange, as children, he and Robb had played and time and time again, Jon had proclaimed himself to be one of the famous Targaryens, most often Aemon the Dragonknight, the one who was said to be in love with his sister, Naerys. Did the Gods truly wish to turn his life into a lark, to add, that Aemon also had a brother named Aegon.

His dark eyes find Sansa's , hoping he hasn't pushed her too far, he couldn't deny that he felt strongly for her, had this been another life and Jon had been raised a Prince, this might have been very different. That is of no consequence now, Jon takes her hands, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. He doesn't expect that they can be together, with her being a Queen or not. In all honesty, he would not need a title, he has spent all his life as Jon Snow and it would not harm him to continue it, he had known nothing else. He can feel the creases form on his brow as he tries to interpret Sansa's expressions and read her mind.

She feel warm when Jon laughed as well, it made her feel safe, happy, like she was at home. Jon felt so much like home, familiar, how it all had been when they were safe, younger, without knowledge about the world or life. All that happiness she could feel when she was with Jon, like everything that had happened to her disappeared, became vivid memories. The castle didn't seem as haunted, the wall wasn't as cold or lonely when he was there. There were others who could manage to chase the memories away for a short time, Arya for example, but she couldn't make her forget them, not like Jon could.

Sansa smiled when he stepped closer again. With him knowing how she felt, and she knowing how he felt, she didn't need to hide all the smiles she wished to give him. She could let the mask fall even more. She couldn't remember when she last let herself do that, at least not around someone else. It was so strange, almost unknown territory for her. But she trusted Jon not to take advantage of her, he may be the only one she trusted that much and she hoped she wouldn't live to regret it.

When he spoke again she met his eyes. The question was logical and filled with so much respect for her and once again she became warm. No other man, beside maybe Tyrion had showed her such respect, cared for what she wished or felt, but Jon did. She hadn't expected anything else from him, knowing that this was how Jon was.
"I don't know Jon" she slowly admits. Her thoughts had never gone this far, what would happen if Jon would like her back. Her thought were only in the moment. She often planned everything, needing to be three steps before everyone else, but this was something she couldn't plan.

Or she knew what she wants, she wants Jon to be here with her, stay with her and create a home with her. But she also knew that everyone wouldn't be as happy about that as her. Some would support it, that she knew, but far from everyone. If she had been anyone she could have acted upon her feelings, but she had a kingdom to think about. Yet she didn't wish to tell Jon off, to let go of this.

She felt how he took her hands and she met his dark eyes, almost losing herself in them. She knew that she wasn't willing to let this go, let one of the rare chances of happiness in her life disappear, but she needed to be careful, and find a solution. She took a step closer, letting her forehead rest against Jon's chest.
"I don't know Jon, but I don't want to let you go" she whispered as she smiled. "I need to find a way for this to work, as long as you are willing"
Sansa wasn't sure what Jon wanted or expected her to do in this situation. Maybe he wished for her to ride away with him, to the wildlings, something she wouldn't be able to do. But she couldn't force him to stay here if he didn't wished to.

It's strange how normal this felt, after confessing, Jon feels lighter and a warmth spreads in his chest, he keeps his eyes on her, seeing all that she is, home. The one girl he never thought would even consider being with him, is now the woman who can not imagine being without. He had spent too long looking for another family , someone who would take him for who he was and it lead him back to Winterfell. It was where he belonged , in the North, Dragonblood or not, his place was here not in the south, it was here with Sansa, no matter what.

Her smile is almost intoxicating, Jon dares to close the gap even further, seeing as how Sansa's words and reaction is very favourable."It's good to see you smile, Sansa." Honest words come easy with her. Jon was no stranger to lying, he had sent an innocent child to death to keep Mance's son from burning from Melisandres folly, some things are never to be forgotten but he would certainly not lie to Sansa, unless he truly has to. "I want you to feel safe .. and loved" it was the truth, that is the reason why he had done all of this.


Jon notices the expression on her face. "It will be your choice. I will do whatever you think is best." He certain did not wish to rush her in any way. He understands that they must take it slow, announcing a wedding or such would be a foolish move, not something that would go over well. None of them seemed to have expected the other to share the same feelings, so this is a completely new problem other than her throwing him out, not allowing him to see her of Wintefell again. That was not the case, now they were discussing what to do.

Ever since he was a child, he had a times dreamt of what it what would be to have a son and should he have a bastard, he would raise it just as his father had raised him, with the other children and with love. Hopefully he would never father a bastard, but his name as it is , would make the child so. Years ago, when he had been around Ygritte , then Sam and Gilly, after Robb had died, he had already decided on the name, Robb, he supposes it was just natural, he had been the closest to Robb and Arya. If the chance rose, he would certainly like to have children, hopefully with Sansa, at this moment he wanted nothing else but her but he knows that such things can lead to ones demise.

A long as he was willing? he was, there was no doubt about it in his mind. Feeling the light weight of her body against his, Jon slowly raises his hand and places it on her neck, gently stroking the soft red hair and rests. He leans down to place a soft, fleeting kiss on her temple, the scent of her and her hair, the familiar lemony and rose smell, it was something he could se himself wake up to every morning. "I will not go anywhere, but I might have to visit Tormund from time to time, or else he might miss me too much" He felt the need to make a small jest, a smile forms on his lips as they are still touching her skin. "I hope that this will work, somehow. Mayhaps we could ask Bran for an answer" he slowly runs his fingers though the tips of her hair, wrapping a lock around his finger. He didn't wish to leave but for this time, he had promised Sansa and the Lords to help, he can't back down now, no matter what his feeling for Sansa were, he had promised. "If you wish for me to stay, I will stay as long as I am able."

Sansa knew Jon wished that for her, that was one of the reasons she had been drawn to him. He wished the best for her. He treated her well, in ways no one else did. He really saw her, listened to her and cared about her, in ways no one had in a long time.
"I know you do Jon" she said in a low voice "And I want to give you a home, a family, everything you deserve"
It was true, Sansa wished to give Jon all this, and even if he hadn't felt the same as she did, she had wished for that none the less. After everything he had done for them, for her, he deserved it!

"I will try to find the way I think is the best, but I don't want you to follow it blindly! I want you to be as much a part of this as I am" Even if he gave her the choice she would never wish to force him to do something. If she would ask him to stay by her side forever, that would mean that she had to find a way for Jon to become king, but if he wasn't willing she would never force the crown upon him. She knew all to well how it felt to be forced to do something, and she would never want to do that to another human.

Sansa closed her eyes when Jon touched her, just letting herself enjoy it, knowing no harm would come from it. Jon would no do as the others had, she could be near him without needing to fear what he may do to her. She could trust his words without knowing they may be turned against her, or lies. Jon was everything she had dreamt about as a spoiled child, she had found it in the place she never thought to find it.

"It would be a disaster to leave Tormund alone, up in the north without a chance of seeing you" she joked. She liked the wildling and she knew how close he and Jon was, she would never deny him the right to see him. "He would be welcome here whenever he wished for it"
Sansa would welcome him and all the wildlings if they wanted, because without them they wouldn't be here today.
"Let's not tell Bran, at least not yet" she had no desire to involve her youngest brother, having him meddling in this. She would need to contact him, she knew that, but this was her kingdom and he had no powers here, brother or not. But before she even wrote to him, she wished to find a way for this to work.
"I wish for you to stay forever, but in this moment I can't be lead by my own desire, you have a mission and I can't keep you here. What I wish for you is to return to me, alive!" she took a small step back giving him a serious look, before smiling.

A family. That was all he heard, those two words brought him joy. He couldn't believe that Sansa felt that way, that they both found something in such an unlikely place. "I am not certain if I deserve it" The melancholy must be in his blood. "I would not want any children to be labeled as bastards" Jon had it easier than most while growing up in Winterfell, others were not so lucky but he was still reminded every day of his status , he did not wish to give such a life to any child.

"Why would I follow blindly?" He lets out a low sigh. "The crown is not for me, that honor is yours, Sansa. I had my share of it" He wasn't a poor leader, he did plan out his actions and weight his options. Even in the Nights Watch he had done so, the men listened and followed, not without hesitation of course. At times his stubbornness and words had made men follow , not because they must, but because they believed in him. Now they do the same for Sansa, she has proven herself to be a capable Queen.

Jon is still playing with her hair, twirling the lock around his fingers, letting it glide through as silk would. Would that he could, this would be all he did for the rest of the day. It was selfish but at times, you were allowed to be selfish, take something for yourself even if it is only a moment that will pass when their duty calls once more. Jon plants a soft kiss on her temple again, he can't help but to wonder is this how Rhaegar felt with his mother? falling for someone that you mayhaps should not be with but you're drawn to her anyway.

"It would be, he must be missing me terribly right now." He chuckles, enjoying the jests. "He will appreciate the offer but since his 'Big Woman' is not here, there may not be much to drive him to come" Jon wished that Brienne had stayed with Sansa in Winterfell but the woman made a choice to serve a king instead of her already sworn Queen. It seemed to have left Sansa without a familiar face in Winterfell, he has a part of that as well.
"Bran most likely already knows. He sees everything" The words come out harsher than intended."You are right, but one should be careful." He wouldn't say that he's paranoid but there was something about Bran, or the person in his body that unsettled Jon at times, that vacant stare would never be human enough.
"Hopefully it will not take too long" Jon doesn't care for the sudden loss of contact but he continues to speak. "If you wish for me to return, I will, i would rather not disappoint you" He says with a warm smile. He takes another step back and lets his hands drop to his sides again. "I should go and prepare. We'll leave as soon as the men are ready"

"Because you mister said you would do whatever I sought fit, that is to follow someone blindly, and also trust them blindly, something you should never do, no matter who it was!" she had learnt that the hard way, trusting anyone, no matter who it was could get you killed. It was natural that you had higher trust for your family, and you should, yet you needed to be aware that even families could betray each other. She didn't expect Jon to betray her, but she still had to be aware of it, being possible, cause if she was she wouldn't be as hurt if he did betray her. Sansa then shook her head knowing that if she would find away to make this work, Jon would have to share the crown with her, something she wasn't opposed, but her people may be. "You may still have to wear it, depending on how this works out, and I am not against sharing it with you"
But she couldn't hinder herself from smiling, any other many would accept the crown without hesitation, even aiming for it, yet Jon had no such ambitions, and it was one of the reasons that made him the good man he was.

Sansa closed her eyes and just enjoyed how Jon's fingers played with her hair, how soft his touch was, how gentle he was. No one had been allowed to touch her hair like this, not after Ramsey, but with Jon didn't protest, just enjoyed it.

"I am sure he does, you are friends after all" Sansa smiled, wishing she had a friend like Tormund. "Maybe I can invite Brienne and give him a reason to visit"
Sansa wouldn't be opposed the idea of meeting the other one again, but she was unsure if Brienne would ever leave Kings Landing and visit her again.
"I am not sure if he knows, he need to posses something or someone in the room or near the room to be able to see. He prefer birds, because it's easy for them to flyby, and that's the reason I have most windows closed" she looked over at the shut windows. It made her feel imprisoned sometimes, but she rather live with that feeling than having Bran spy on her. "And I hope he doesn't posses my people, because then I need to speak to him, because that isn't okay"

"It will take the time that is needed" Sansa simply said, even if she hoped it would go fast, there was nothing she could do to rush it, neither did she wish for it to be rushed. Sansa smiled towards Jon where he stood. "I wish for you to return, alive, with all of the men by your side, and the barbarians dead"
It was what she wished for, but she knew that it may not be enough, wishes didn't win battles, but all she could do in a moment like this was to wish and pray.
"I will leave you to it, and meet you by the gates before you leave" Sansa couldn't resist kissing him one last time before she left the room, and for the work that needed to be done.

"I know you , Sansa. You wouldn't think of something cruel or unreasonable. That I why I trust you. Why have ruled together, I know you" He did know her, mayhaps not as well enough as he thought but she was still Queen. Jon shakes his head at Sansa's words of the possibility of crowning him. He didn't care for it but it may be the only possible way to keep the North stable. Jon sighs softly "I am not keen with being crowned again, the last time was a necessity, nothing else." Preferably he wouldn't be King again but once more his mind works against him. Jon envisions Sansa sitting on her throne, him on his next to her, he can just make out the rounding of her stomach. The thought lets a small smile play on his lips, his mind was good at convincing him, making him dream. We will see how all this goes"

Jon rests his chin against the top of her head, once again taking in her scent, unwilling to leave, not wishing to spoil this moment, something he had dreamt of for longer than he should have. Before he knew it was acceptable. Her soft , auburn locks just spill between his fingers like the softest silk.

He can't help but to laugh. "That is a good suggestion, mayhaps the King can spare her for some time. Tormund would be thrilled at seeing his Big Woman again" Tormund spoke of her often, mostly when teasing Jon about Sansa and his affinity of fire and ice haired women. Which was not a lie but it was a strange coincidence , he must admit. The mention of Bran and his tricks brings Jon out of his musings of Tormund. "Aye, he has a habit of flying past our settlement, if he did not trust you, he should not have given the North its indepencence" Jon's voice takes on a harsher tone, he doesn't care for that Bran is clearly spying on them, that is not something his little brother would do. It didn't feel like Bran, even with such powers, why would he lose himself so much, finding no emotional connection with anything he once held dear.

"Hopefully I will not need to spend too much time away from you" Jon was happy that he could finally say what was on his mind, behind closed doors, of course. "Sansa, that may not be possible, I can not promise what will happen during battle." He takes her hands again, brings them to his lips. "But I will do all I can to bring justice to those men" He knew that Sansa only wished the best for him and it was selfish to think that he only wished to stay in the castle with her. He had promised and his word was his bond.
"Thank you" He can't help but to smile when their lips touch once again, Jon deepens the kiss, almost eager to kiss her again.
As his place was not in the Queens solar, Jon heads off to find Lord Lake, to speak with him about the men and arrangements, seeing as how Jons things were what he had on his back, he had nothing else to bring with him, all he had to do was gather the men and inform them of what their actions was to be.

Sansa knew it was true as well, she wouldn't do anything to hurt Jon, yet a small part of her wished to mess with him, like she was a kid once more. Nothing that could hurt him, just something juvenile, but she wasn't sure of what. Joking around had never been her thing, all of her siblings had been better at it, and she had always looked down on them when they did, especially Arya, but maybe her sister knew how to enjoy life more than she did.
"Statement like these are why you could never play the game" she said seeing how Jon always was to honest and more trusting than most people in the south. She admired it for him and as long as he didn't went to the south again, he would manage, she hoped. "I know that you may not want it Jon, but it may be needed"
Sansa knew that none of the lords would accept that she didn't married the person she chose, and whoever she married would share the crown with her, that was how it was.

Sansa laughed, he was sure that Bran could manage without Brienne and she didn't thought the other one would be against visiting her.
"I am not sure she would share his joy" she only said with a smile before she stopped. "I am unsure if he does it because he distrust me, or if he have some other reason. But whatever the reason is, I don't care for it"
Sansa knew Bran would give her reasons for it if she asked, reasons she wasn't interested in.

"Jon I am aware that it may not be possible, that's the reason to wish for something. If I knew it was possible I wouldn't ned to wish for it" she gave him a small smile "And I know you will, you always does what is needed for everyone"
Sometimes she wished Jon could be a bit more selfish and not as noble, fearing it may end like it did for her father. He tried to protect Cersie and her children, as while as doing the right thing, something that wasn't possible. She had learned that the hard way, that the value of the North wasn't much to hang on to.

Sansa could feel how her cheeks was slightly pink as she left the room and she hoped that no one would notice, or it would be needed for her to lie. She needed time to find a solution to Jon and her, far from ready to tell anyone. The corridors was mostly empty and she reached her chambers without meting anyone and she soon smiled widely. She felt like screaming and clapping her hands but contained herself as she went to her desk, needing to read some documents.

Jon seems to think that he sees a gleam in Sansas eyes, something joyous , carefree. It reminded him of Robb in a way, when they had been children , playing in the snow, even covering some poor singer who had come to Winterfell , the same man who he had met beyond the wall, who's place he had taken in a way. Jon missed playing in the snow, hiding being fortified walls of snow and sticks while pelting his brother with a barrage of snowballs and him returning the action, always laughing. He had never done such things with Sansa, she was always with her septa or mother , it was a pity. He could imagine her doing such things now, face red from the cold and her warm , melodic laugh echoing in the courtyard, the thought is a welcomed one. A chuckle escapes his lips. "Hopefully I will never have the need to try and play it again. The south is no place for men like me" He admits and Stark men did not do well in the South. Robb had a Southron mother but as one raised in the North, away from the horrid politics.

"She may not" He can't help but to laugh, remembering the many expressions that Brienne had while encountering Tormund. The mood quickly becomes serious with the mention of their Kingly brother. "Mayhaps he only wishes to see that you are well" Those were kind words but something kept nagging at Jon, that Bran was not right. The cold behaviour did make it seem that there was nothing left, once again, Jon couldn't help but to wonder if that was truly him. The wind seems to be picking up outside, the sound is almost soothing.

"I know it but I do not want to disappoint you or the Lords. They still seem to trust me. It would be wrong of me not to help them." He may be trying to hard but he did not find it just to just order men and not fight with them, that is not what a good leader or man does. The man who passes the sentence must swing the sword. Those words were always with him, that was something that the Starks had always held up, their honorable and just ways had done them well enough , until the dragons became involved.

That night Jon takes the opportunity to bathe, the window is open to allow the view of the night sky. The memory of flying up there comes back to him, a sad smile accompanies it. In a strange way he did miss it, mayhaps it was in his blood after all. A frown forms on his face and he leans back, pondering Maester Aemons words. Ghost is laying by his side as always. His thoughts wander to the kiss , something he had wanted to do for so long and she returned it, happily, just knowing that makes his body warm as if he was a boy again but it was so very different from the kiss he shared with Ygritte.

Some days later Lord Lakes men have gathered in the courtyard and Jon is with them,standing next to his horse and once again, Ghost at his side. They're preparing to move out and find the raiders. Jon is checking his saddle and the supplies, the men have fallen quiet which causes him to look up and see the Queen, he bows and quickly looks up, giving her a small but warm smile. "Your Grace"

Sansa had tried to keep herself occupied, and not act as a silly young maiden around her crush, but it hadn't been with ease. All she wished for was to lock Jon up, to keep him safe and by her side, or to be by his side all the time. She almost sighed over her own feelings, she wasn't some youth anymore, she was a queen and needed to act as one, her kingdom needed her, and that meant that she needed to push her own feelings away, no matter how hard it was. She could tell that her servants gave her questioning glances from time to time, but none asked, or commented on it. The Lords hadn't either noticed or was far better at hiding it, which was what she thought, not underestimating them. This wasn't, however, a moment to inform anyone, before that she needed to speak with Jon, and that had to be after the mission. She just hoped that was an option. Her worry drove her to less sleep and she knew it would become worse once Jon left. It had been the same when he went away with Dany, she could almost laugh over how she reacted the same way, if not worse this time. She just had to try to stay occupied with her duties, in an attempt to keep calm and her worry away.

Brann had yet to contact her, and if she was honest she was pleased with that, but maybe he just waited until Jon rode away, and if he did, it would give her another reason for worry and frustration. For a second she almost cursed the men in her life and wished she had a woman she could speak to. Arya was far from an option, mostly because her advised would be something Sansa couldn't relate to. she wished her mother was alive, but she knew that she would never approve of Jon so maybe it was for the better that she wasn't. Sansa sighed as she ate the last lemon cake and put on her cape, preparing to send the men off.

The dress was touching the snow and she smiled at the familiar, lovely sound as she nodded at the men she passed, to show her appreciation. Her smile turned from a polite, somewhat pretend to a genuine one when she saw Jon and he grated her.
"Jon" she answered, fully aware that she couldn't show him how much she cared, worried or what she really thought about him. For a second she wished to kiss him, but pushed the thought aside, knowing she couldn't act rashly. "Ghost"
Sansa patted the wolf when it looked at her and he seemed pleased by the attention.
"Look after him, he would be lost without you" she teased as she informed the wolf, who nodded, wagging his tail. "Be careful out there, I wish to see you return on your horse, not dragged after it or something worse"
Her worry was clear, but she also gave him a teasing warning.
"I promise to look after him, Your Grace" Lord Lake laughed from his horse and Sansa turned towards the man with a smile.
"As I hope you will look after yourself. Can't have you return in anyway by riding as well" she said honestly, but in that case it was mostly because she needed all her bannermen.
"I wish to see all of you return safely"
The men around her nodded and smiled towards her, as they promised. Sansa knew that there was a chance that some off them wouldn't return, yet she didn't wished to think about it, her circles under her eyes was dark as it was. She turned towards Jon one last time before hugging him.
"I will be waiting for you" she whispered in his ear before she backed away and patted Ghost a last time, as the men started to ride out, through the gates.