[Privat] Game of Thrones - Winter Love

Jon glances at Sansa, feeling guilt as he notices the tension in her shoulders. The offer was made out of respect and love for his country. Mayhaps he is foolish , rushing into battle, he's not a green boy who needs to prove himself, the time for such things has long passed. He had charged headfirst in Hardhome, hoping to help the free folk there, luckily for him, Jon had walked away with bruises and a few broken bones but still alive. As for the encounter with Ramsey it had ended better for him than his men, another batch of broken bones, at that time he was driven only by rage and hate, no true concern for his own wellbeing. He can't even say that he remembered what had happened in that moment.

His thoughts wander as the voices become a buzzing sound, the haunting images of war and those he had slain, indirectly or by his own hand. These men still trusted him, they knew what he had done and they still held him in high regards, it was strange, in any other Kingdom he would have been executed for the crimes. By the good grace of Bran , three-eyed raven , or hell even Blood raven, who himself had been a Targaryen , mayhaps there was a part of all of the previous minds.
He wished that he could share the gift that his little brother has, being able to see into the past is something to be cherished and it can not be appriciated by someone who is void of emotions and heart, mayhaps he is selfish, wishing to see his mother with his own eyes and not simply in stories, just for some peace of mind. Lord Lakes words pulls Jon back to the room, listening again.

When they're alone the air is different, almost crushing, it had never been thing way with Ygritte, everything was always so free but this is something entierly different. They have always been siblings but the bond was never there, not until they saw eachother in Castle Black, mayhaps Sansa's previous coldness had attributed to such odd feelings for her, the shock and relief to see her again had been too much for his newly revived mind. Jon's expression is serious as he hears Sansa's worry. "They can go wrong" Jon's fingers twitch, desperately wanting to take her hands in his, kiss them and reassure her than he will return, he truly wished to. "But I trust the men and Ghost will most likely warn us beforehand." he continues , managing a small smile. "I must return, the Queen has requested it" the smile widens somewhat and he meets her blue eyes, they seem darker in her worried state, just as beautiful and easy to drown in.


He did understand Sansa's worry, he wasn't to keen on leaving her alone, that much was certain. Would that he could, he'd spend all his remaining days here at her side. For a moment the image of her standing on the same walkway she stood when he left for Dragonstone. Her regal posture , red hair braided in the simple northern style, smiling, blue eyes full of love, just for him , the image almost sends him staggering. Jon digs his fingernails into his palm, wishing the thought away. It was a horrid , treasonous thought, it makes his stomach twist. He can almost hear the old Kings and Lord shout at him again, cursing him. Once again, the sound of her voice brings him back to reality, if only more shaken and worried than before.

"Oh Jon it's not like I don't trust you, or the my men, or Ghost" she hastily patted Ghost who seemed pleased. "But somethings you can't control, and one of them are when we die, because that's up to our creators. It is true that I may die in my sleep as well, if that's what they wish for, but something increases the chances"
Sansa glanced over at Jon, she hadn't meant for it to sound like she didn't trusted them, because she did. She knew how skilled all of them were with their weapons, she also knew how much they cared for this country, yet her worry was true and strong.

At his words Sansa couldn't hinder a laugh from escaping.
"Yes she has! I wish to see you return as soon as the men have been handel with!" she gave him a stern look but smiled. She hoped Jon was willing to return. Maybe he wanted to return to the wildlings. For a second that thought horrid her. Not because Jon couldn't return to them whenever he wished for, he was a free man after all. No because he may do that without saying goodbye. She hoped he would never do such a thing. But that wasn't a worry she would utter, not wishing to feel to juvenile, like a spoiled brat who demanded for him to return, she can only wish.

Sansa studied Jon and for a second she sees how his fingers are dug into his palms and how his posture changes. It's only for such a short time, yet it worries her, worries her that maybe her words offended him in someway, that he had to control himself not to say that he was tired of her. Sansa had to hinder her thoughts from continuing, not letting her worries take over, especially not for a reason. She wasn't a child anymore that jumped to conclusion, she was a woman that listened to evidence, and Jon hadn't given her a reason to believe that he was tired of her, so she chose to believe that he wasn't, even if she started to prepare mentally for the day he would.

"Are you okay Jon?" she asked softly, wondering if he worried more about the mission than she thought he would, something she didn't hope. Because in her eyes it was a fairly simple mission, but if Jon got worried over it, she had reason to be. Slowly she takes his hand to show him that she was there, if he needed anything.

"That wasn't what I meant- I" Jon lets out a deep sigh and meets Sansa's eyes. "I am well aware of that, Sansa, I am very glad that you care" his hand instinctively goes to his chest, to the horrid stab wounds that have now healed, they remain of his body but as thick, ugly scars. They are a gift of loyalty and hate as well, something he did not wish to experience again. "I can't cower for that reason alone, but I understand your worry" he adds, standing almost frozen in his place. How could her words and voice affect him so, it is madness, mayhaps it is beginning to show.

"Your wish is my command, your Grace" Jon cracks a smile and bows, almost in a comical way, to alleviate the thick blanket of worry that covered the room. In truth, it would not take much for him to willingly return here, he missed it, missed her. The familiar faces were long gone or in the crypts but one thing remained, Sansa. The girl who had hated him for no reason , who had always been so in love with songs, stories and princes. When it all comes down to it, he is one unwillingly but a Prince nontheless , even a King at one point. Jon has always seen himself a good man, at times foolish and too trusting but a good , honest, honorable man, doing things fr his people and hell, the realm even. No, Jon wanted nothing more than to stay in Winterfell until the end of his days , seeing spring wash over the land, he didn't even need a title, just her affection.

Jon's eyes find her hands, the soft, pale hands that he felt lucky to be able to touch. His rough fingers gently rub the spot between her thumb and index finger, the warmth of her hands felt almost unreal. The motion is intimate, far too loving for what they are but he is having trouble stopping himself, the pain in his palms forgotten. His gaze slowly move up to Sansa's worried face, the sight breaks his heart. "F-forgive me" he has to force himself to speak in a normal tone, which is proving to be difficult.

"I -" He nods gently. "I am alright, I simply got lost in my thoughts, it is nothing to be concerned about , Sansa" As much as Jon tries he can not let go of her hands, the sensation of her hands feels too natural. Jon finds himself rubbing slow circles on the back of her hand, not wanting to stop. He's expecting a slap, for the Wolf Queen to curse him and send for her guards to have him leave and never return, in those short moments his thoughts betray him again. He imagines a kiss, deep with with love and longing that has been brewing for years.

"I will always worry about you, about anyone in my family" she started, however she worried more about Jon. Maybe it was because how she felt? Or because what he did. Bran was the one that was the safest, even if she was fully aware of the things that could happen to a king in the south. But the times had changed, he had his guards and every good man in the Kingdom, just like his sight. All those things mage her worry less. And Arya traveled around to unknown locations and to unknown dangers, but she had her skills and no one really had a reason to target her. Jon on the other hand, no one had a reason to target him, or anything, but it almost felt like he sought out the dangerous situations, and he had none of their siblings powers. He had Ghost by his side, something none of them had, yet placing himself in the situations he did, made him more vulnerable. Sansa met his eyes, almost sighing. "I apologise if I sound overprotective, I just don't wish to bury anymore of my family in the crypt"

Sansa couldn't hinder herself from laughing. It seemed like Jon always could make her laugh and she wasn't sure what to think about it. It was so easy for him to do so, and in a way she liked it, how he could make her worries disappear in a second. On the other hand that was something that could be used against her. she doubted Jon would ever do such a thing, but if someone else managed to do the same, she could be in trouble. It was something she needed to work on.

"You have no reason to ask for forgiveness, cause you have done nothing wrong" she gave him a warm smile. She wasn't sure why he sought her forgiveness, he would have it, but she saw no reason for it. Sansa met his dark eyes again. How many times hadn't she answered the same, especially in her younger days. She was better to hide her feelings, and rarely got lost in thoughts. But she knew what Jon did all to well, however she had neither right or wish to force him to tell her. He had right to keep his own thoughts as much as anyone else. "I will be concerned none the less, and doubt your answer, seeing it's words I have used myself. But I will not force you to tell me anything"
She pressed his hands, seeking both his touch and to comfort him. His movements over her hands created goosebumps along her arms and she was pleased that they were covered, so he couldn't see. She liked his touch more than she should, she knew that, she should stop him before he noticed but she did nothing, not wishing to. Instead she let herself get lost in his eyes, she told herself it would only be for a few more seconds.

"Thank you" He starts with a smile. "Aye, family is the most important thing in this world, the pack has survived" Jon believes he understands how Sansa feels, he has and will do anything he can to keep his family safe. Even if that means running into danger, it's foolish but so many strange things have happened so fighting for the good things seem like a good idea. A small nudge from Ghost causes him to look away from Sansa and smile down at the white Direwolf, the one constant thing in his life. The mission that he volunteered for isn't something unusual, it's no different than when riding out with the men of the Nights Watch.
He can't help but to frown at the mention of the crypts, the insecurities coming to light once more. "Would I even have a place there? I am not a Stark." The words rush out, a lifetime of wondering spills out, he hadn't meant to sound so childish, so confrontational.

Lucikly the joke takes some of the heavy emotions out of the situation, he's happy that he can still make her laugh. That Sansa finds some joy in his presence. The soft , wonderful laugh is like music to his ears, the way her eyes sparkle brings warmth to his chest that has no right being there. They are not siblings but the whole realm knows them as such, the feeling in his chest should not exist for her, shouldn't make it beat quicker , it shouldn't ache at the sight of her, his sister, the Queen. Jon can't help but to wonder if this is how Ser Jaime felt, falling for someone he shouldn't.

"I suppose not, it just ..happened" A small smile comes to match hers. The candlelight once again seems to work against his senses, as Sansa is a true vision. her red hair always seems so soft and raidiant in the warm orange glow. Jon wishes he could tell her how he felt, the fear of what she would say was too much, he did not wish to be thrown out of her life, it would be too much, even the wounds of Daenerys were fresh for him to be excluded from Sansa's presence. "It is nothing, I promise" He manages a smile, looking into her blue eyes again. He is still reluctant to left go of her hands, wishing to pull her into a tight embrace once again, to kiss her. Such thoughts should be buried but for this short amount of time, he can not think of anyone else he would want to spend his days with.

Sansa thought about her pack. It wasn't really a pack anymore, and it wouldn't continue being one unless she got children. Brann couldn't get any, Arya would most likely not wanting any, and Jon. It didn't matter how much she saw him as a Stark, not even that her people did, he couldn't continue the pack. Sansa wished he could, even if it wasn't with her. If she could decide it would be with her, but at least if he got children hers may not feel as lonely. Sansa stopped thinking about it, not wanting to. Children wasn't something she had planned for yet, and to be frankly was far from ready for. Not even if it had been Jon. She hindered that thought before she acted foolishly, and met Jon's eyes instead.
"You are a Stark! We are all more than a Stark, we all have blood from different houses in our veins, yet we are Stark's, just like you. And if you wish to be buried in the crypts there would be a place for you" she made it clear for him, he was a Stark, just as much as she was! They were cousins if they were correct, his mother was her aunt and she was buried in the crypt, meaning Jon could to, if he wished for it. He may not want to, and she had to respect that, but hearing him think he don't have a place there saddened her.

She may be a part of why he thought that, how she had treated him when they were children, but she hoped he doesn't think that would have an impact today. She knew better these days, now when her mother didn't feed her lies and she had all the information. Jon was a Stark!

"We all apologise sometimes for things we shouldn't, just remember that you don't have to around me" she had done the same thing. Sometimes the words left your mouth before you could hinder them, even if they shouldn't. Or you uttered them because you thought the other one expected it. But apologising without meaning was useless, no matter the reason.

Sansa studies Jon, trying to read him, but she couldn't. She felt like she had no idea what he thought, felt, wished for, nothing. She could read so many others, but seeing Jon it was like she was a child again, knowing nothing.
"If you say so, I will take your word for it" she didn't took her eyes of him, still trying to read him, trying to understand what had made him react as he did, if nothing else. She took a step forward without thinking, keeping her eyes on him, but he was still a mystery.

For some reason, Jon had not expected that answer, he wasn't even certain why. She had given no indication of that those would be feelings, if anything, Sansas words were a reflection of what has happened in recent times. She was right, he did share the same Stark blood that she does but those old feelings are difficult to forget. He opens his mouth, willing to pour it all out for her, praying that she would listen but the words are stuck in his throat, telling her of those haunting dreams of shouting ancestors was not a suitable topic at this moment, there may come a time for such honest talks. "Thank you.. I suppose it is still difficult for me to understand that I'm different than what I've grown up believing I was" He had to give her an honest reply, nothing else would do. Jon felt as if her blue eyes saw straight through him. "Would you see it fit, I would be honored to have place in the crypt. I pray that it will not be for some time," He felt a fool saying such things but those old scars are still there, buried deep.

Jon squeezes her hands again , gently of course, not wishing to harm her in anyway. Not that Sansa was a weak woman, not at all, but broken at times, like the all were , a sad story. He attempts to focus on the warmth and softness of her skin again, just for a moment, to forget his foolish, insecure words. A part of him couldn't help but to wonder if Ned Stark would object to such contact.

"We do, I do not have a habit of doing so, it just happened" He gives her a small and warm earnest smile at those words. "I will not do so again, without reason." The words had just left his mouth for no reason, it was very strange, such apologizes usually mean nothing. Like when a child has been caught stealing cakes from the kitchens, it's not truly sorry. He did feel somewhat of a child, speaking like a green boy, being nervous for no actual reason.

His dark eyes lock with those blue ones, Gods , he feels lucky gazing into them and his hands grasping the Queens. "Thank you , your Grace" another small smile is gifted her. A slight shift with his feet and he has moved towards her, Jon's mind is telling him to back away but his body will not obey, it closes the gap between them once more making the distance fairly intimate. As much as he wishes to lean close and kiss her pink lips, he is unable, his honor does not allow him. "She has already been through so much, she does not need me to force myself upon her" Inspite of all that, he leans ever so much closer, closing the gap between them, giving Sansa a quick, chaste kiss while preparing for what she might do.

"We are all different from what we grew up to believe we was" she said. Jon's surprise wasn't surprising to her, seeing what she and her mother told him when he was a kid. She understood why her father kept Jon's real name a secret, but letting him or anyone known would have saved him much sorrow and pain he must have gone through. If it would take the rest of her life she would show Jon how much he was a part of this family as her other siblings, that he was a Stark just like them. That she had been wrong as a child. "Hopefully that day are far from now, but you will have a place next to the others when that day arrive"

Sansa was so lost in Jon's eyes that she almost missed that he had walked closer, she would most likely have if the body heat hadn't told her that Jon was closer. He was so close that she could easily lean closer and kiss him. For a second she wondered if she could pretend to trip and "accidentally" kiss him, just to be able to feel how it felt. But then she scold herself, that would be pathetic and she would not fall that low! Yet she wished for nothing else, and her thoughts tried to work out a way when she suddenly felt a set of lips up on hers. Her gaze had been lost in Jon's eyes and her thoughts far away, making her miss that he leaned even closer.

It was over so fast that she for a second wondered if she had imagined it. Maybe she was sleeping without knowing? She knew that wasn't true, she was awake, but had Jon just kissed her? All she could do was blink in surprise staring at him, trying to grasp the situation, to make her brain work again. Seconds went by and all she did was stare at Jon before her brain finally caught up. Jon had kissed her! He had actually kissed her! Why? Was it because she was worried? Trying to comfort her as her brother? But your brother wouldn't kiss her? Had it been an accident? But you didn't kissed someone by accident? Did he felt what she felt? Was that even possible? Sansa didn't dare to believe that, feeling it was a to hopeful dream.

She hadn't let go of Jon's hands, still holding them thinking that if she let go of him, whatever this was would be over, and she didn't wished for that. Mostly because she didn't knew what this was, and she really needed to know. Jon had kissed her, was all she could think, and all she could think was that she wished to do it again. Could she? Should she? Sansa had no idea of how to act in this situation. A few more seconds went by before she finally spoke.
"I think we need to talk" gosh she sounded like an old lady. "I need to know why you kissed me?"
She held her gaze steady, still looking at Jon, wondering if she dared to ask if he felt what she felt? What if it all was just a misstake? But she reminded herself that something like this didn't happened by misstake, and that you sometimes needed to take a risk to win. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second before meeting Jon's dark once more.
"Do you have the same feelings I have?"

"Aye we are, mayhaps it is a good thing." Jon manages to smile once again, continuing to listen to her. Years ago when Stannis had offered him Winterfell, a place as Lord, he hadn't been able to take it, it felt wrong. He had always wished for a place among the Starks and now he has it, it's regrettable that so much horror had to happen, Jon was certain that Lady Catelyn would not have allowed it, even after his parentage was revealed, it would just be lies to her, fall on deaf ears. A bastard could not be Lord or King by law but had been both at one point. "Thank you." It was all he managed to say. Before they had left Winterfell as children, he never would have imagined that he and Sansa would be here. Had he told his younger self he would have laughed and claimed he had gone mad.

Jon felt that he had to do it, if it went wrong and she threw him out, he could at least say that he was not a craven. The touch of her soft lips was wonderful, he almost thought they tasted of lemocake, just a hint. It wasn't a forceful kiss, he couldn't manage one, had the things not happened to her, he may have done it differently, showing the magnitute of his feelings for her, the love that as her brother he was not meant to have. it was still an issue, he knew that the whole realm saw them as siblings, if he went out and proclaimed that his true parentage was different, it would be alright but the Lords may not react favorably, no Lords who had known Lyanna Stark were alive, mayhaps Howland Reed but Jon had never met the man.

He takes a step back, letting his hands fall to his side, uncertain with Sansa's reaction. The kiss had been quick, he hoped dearly that he hadn't frightened her, disgusted her , that is something else. Jon waited for a slap, shouting, Catelyn Starks voice rings in his ears, shouting all sorts of horrid things again, the shouting voice is replaced by Sansa's soft , questioning one. His averted eyes meet the Queens blue ones again. He didn't want to speak, just listen to whatever Sansa has to say and to his surprise , no shouting came, nor a slap. Just a question. "The same feelings?" He thinks. Jon searches her eyes and face for any indication that she is tricking him, she had studied with Littlefinger after all and when it came to family, Jon was still too trusting. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest and ears. "I have wanted to kiss you for..too long, since before I knew that we weren't siblings" He admits, allowing his shame to hang in the air between them. Jon stays a few steps away from her, even with her words, he's still nervous. She did ask if he shared her feelings, Gods he did, truly did. His eyes are fixed on Sansas blue ones.

In truth , Jon wasn't certain where to go from here, just waiting for her answer seems to be a good start. "How many people can say the have kissed two Queen" His thoughts seem to be teasing him, such a strange thought in the middle of this situation. "Two Queens and they were both family, an aunt and a sister- well cousin but that was not revealed until later. He did seem oddly drawn to the auburned girls, the Freefolk did say that they were kissed by fire, mayhaps he is more Dragon than he believed. Ghost is watching them, not moving, even the Direwolf seems intrigued with what will happen.

Sansa couldn't hinder herself from smiling, god she shouldn't be smiling hearing those words, yet she did. She wasn't the only one that had felt something before they knew who Jon really was. The first time she felt something she thought it was because Jon was the first man who was kind to her in a long time, that it was just the situation, that she would have felt the same if it was someone else. But as time went on she realised those feelings didn't go away, that it was something else. She had thought about acting on her feelings more than once, she was always hindered, remembering that they were siblings and that Jon didn't felt the same. When he went away with Dany she got even more sure and she tried to bury her feelings. But with the other queen gone and Jon returning the become stronger. But she convinced herself that Jon would never feel the same, and that she would lose him forever if she acted.

And here they were now. He was standing in front of her, he had just kissed her and admitted that he felt something for her as well. She still tried to understand it, how it was even possible. And how she could miss it? Was she that blind or was Jon that good at hiding it. She doubted both of those, she thought it mostly was because she told herself that it wasn't possible for Jon to feel anything for her, and every time he may have done something she would have seen as affection from someone else, she told herself that she misunderstood. Seeing that she most likely hadn't made her laugh.

She shook her head, managing to collect herself and meeting Jon's eyes once more.
"The irony" she smiled again "I started feeling something for you when you saved me from Ramsey but convinced myself that you would never feel the same. That for you I was only your sister. And even if I thought you were my brother back than, and how wrong those feelings was, I still had them"
Sansa couldn't hinder herself from laughing again, seeing how she had been so convinced that Jon would never feel the same, and he seemed too have thought that as well. The whole situation was so ironic.