[Privat] Game of Thrones - Winter Love

"Not anymore , at least" Jon laughs, remembering the pranks he and Robb had pulled on the guards and maids when they were young. He wished to go back to those simpler days, carefree and full of joy.

A soft, caring smile graces his lips. "You will look even more lile a Queen of Winter, blue eyes and hair of snow." He jests and continues "you might look like Queen Alysanne then. Silver hair and eyes like new winter roses" a compliment, yes. She had been wed to her brother, King Jaehaerys; the Concillator, one of the best Kings the Targaryen rule has even seen. The suggestiong might seem strange and he chuckles at his foolishness, the name Jaehaerys is one he shares with the old King, Eddard had chosen to name him Jon, it was as close as he could get he supposed. What would they be then? King Jaehaerys , the Last Dragon and Sansa the Wolf Queen? That is something for the ages he muses."do you think me a good man? Truly, after everthing I've done?"

"Furs , leather and wool. It suits you well, Sansa." 'You're beautiful in it' he wished to say but that would expose his wicked and sinful heart. Jon is sure that he's already exposed himself.

"You were all so childish back then" Sansa teased, but if she was honest, their childhood sounded better then hers. They had enjoyed it, played around, been kids. She had most of the time only learned, behaved, and rarely done anything that wasn't allowed. She couldn't remember ever doing anything she wasn't told. Maybe she had at a really young age, but if that was true, she couldn't remember it. She would most likely not wish for her children to misbehave, but she would encourage them do be children, and to enjoy it.

"Maybe I can hide in the snow than, or pretend that I am a white walker, the new ice queen" she smiled. She really hoped they wouldn't get any new white walkers, she wasn't sure if it was possible, but what she did know was that the memory had to stay alive. The biggest problem had been that no one believed they excited. They had been gone for so long, that people thought of them as a legend, something you scared the young with. So maybe she should pretend to be a walker, to keep it alive. It was beneath her, she knew that, but she had to figure something out.
"Hm not sure if thats good or not, preferring to look like a Stark, but there is worse people to be associated with, especially worse Targaryen" it may be unfair, seeing not all of the ones from the old family was monsters and bad people, but the rumors about them was never good. In her eyes, Jon was the only exception.
"Shouldn't I? What have you really done, for me not to think off you that way?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "We have all done things in our past that are questionable, but bad actions don't make you a bad person. Ramsey was a bad person. Joffrey was a bad person. Cersie, Little Finger, Walder Frey, all of them was bad people, are you like them? No you are not. You aren't a bad person, what you have done, you have done for a reason. And none of your actions are in my eyes bad, and unless you have slaughtered, raped, tortured and killed people for the joy of it, I will never think of you as a bad person"
Sansa pressed his hand, hating the thought of Jon, seeing himself as a bad person, as she smiled when he complimented her.

"Aye, childish children" he laughs "you were always such a good girl and daughter, at least one of the Stark children knew how to behave" Jon smiles warmly at his cousin.

"I'm certain that the children would enjoy the stories, we always did. Mayhaps you'll be as good as Old Nan with telling stories, frightening little children. I was half expecting to see them have giant spiders , as big has hounds" Jon can't help but to laugh and shake his head.

"I've had good intentions with everything but most men have done horrid things with good intentions. But it is done now, isn't it?" A sullen expression crosses his face but lightens quick enough at her kind words and warm smile, something he has wonders how he can ever live without. The soft touch of Sansa's hand is something wonderful, Jon wishes that he could pull the Queen onto his lap and embrace her until she has had enough. He could gladly lose himself in that red hair, in the light of the hearth her hair seems fully ablaze, like a halo.

His thoughts have not been kind in her perscense, either has the warmth or the coiling in his belly. 'A perversion, that is what she thinks of me. I cared for her before I knew we were cousins, something must be wrong in my head' he thinks, unintentionally squeezing her hand, feeling the soft skin under his calloused hands

"I was and I did, always the perfect spoiled brat, who dreamt of becoming a princess" she said with a small smile "And also the only child who didn't really had a childhood. Looking back at it, I envy all of you, because you were children and you enjoyed it. If I could, I would change it, enjoying my time with all of you"
Sansa really regretted not spending more time with them. True she and Robb spent a lot of time, but seeing that he now was gone it didn't felt like enough. Rickon had just been a young child, but the others had played with him, what had she done? Tried to teach him a lords way, when he was nothing else than a baby. She really was a fool back then.

Sansa laughed at the thought of scaring children, any of their stories would be enough to scare them, just one of the stories was. But telling her children about everything they had been through, would do more than scare them, it would traumatise them for life. And it was also the risk of the children never seeing her the same again, being scared of her forever, and most likely Jon and Arya as well, and that was something she didn't wish for.
"Maybe they did at some point? Who knows what stories that are true. Our stories may see unbelievable in the future"

"No Jon, most men don't do horrid things with good intention, most men don't have good intention. Growing up in the North, I didn't knew that, thinking everyone was as honorable as father, Robb and you. But when I was in the south I soon learned that wasn't the case. The North have had bad men as well, Ramsey are a perfect example of that, a man that never had good intention. Good men can do horrid things, but not intentionally. Tyrion is an example of that. He thought he did a good thing, supporting Dany, it led to horrid things, but it wasn't intentionally. There is a difference" she gave him a serious look, maybe he didn't saw it the same way she did. Maybe because they had spent most of their lives in different places, maybe because they had different genders or maybe there was another reason. But she hoped he would understand to some point, but mostly she didn't wished for him to see himself as a bad person, in anyway.

She felt Jon's gental touch, and once again she almost lost herself, wishing to pull him closer, luckily she was interrupted when the shutters flow open, making her jump and scream. She was better than she had been, but sometimes she still was easily spoked. Her screams made the guards rushing through the door and she sighed. She had doubted that they had left, but she had hopped for it. The men aimed their weapons at Jon and she sighed.
"Lower your weapons" she ordered them and they turned towards her, almost surprised to see that she was unhurt and alive. "I simply got frighten by the wind forcing the shutters open"
She stood up and walked over to close them, as she grabbed them she saw the Ravens flying outside and she gave them a cold look, knowing that it was Bran.
"Are you unhurt my Queen?"
"Nothing more than a fright, and nothing Jon can be blamed for" she ensured, wishing to make her point clear, the guards looked more than unsure, but when she gave them a steady look, they bowed and left the room. She wished to tell them once more to take the day off, but she knew it wouldn't work.

"I apologise for that" she gave Jon a small smile, apologising more for the men than her scream. Jon was one of the few that she had letting see this side of her. Around everyone else she always pretended to be strong all the time, but around Jon she felt that it wasn't needed. He had been there when she escaped Ramsey, it wasn't her worst state, no that was a state only Theon had seen her in, but Jon had seen enough, for her not to be ashamded. However, she didn't liked that the guards pointed their weapons at him. Their assumption wasn't illogical, she just didn't liked it.

Jon smiled warmly. "You were, if I'm being honest with you, Sansa" She had been difficult and unkind as a child when her siblings bad not. Robb and Theon had their moments, jeering and calling him a baatard and using the name 'Snow' as an insult. It was he can't deny that, he's spend so many years wishing he had the Stark name , a trueborn son but that was never the case. Stark blood yes but not the same. Had the truth been told from the start , Jon might not have felt as guilty as he does now.

"Mayhaps that is for the best, and let's pray that those monsters do not return" he simply said, reaching for Longclaw by reflex , relaxing when he feels the familar touch of the hilt and rough cut wolf pommel.

"Is that not what I did?" He asks, regret and shame returning. He had killed his kin, it is not much worse than being a Queenslayer, Gods curse you for kinslaying, that much he knew. Dany had been mad at times but she must have been so alone, as Maester Aemon once said 'A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing' she had confided in him, Mayhaps even loved him but she had asked too much, hurt too many people for him to not do what he needed. Was it honorable? No , he had lied and bedded his way into her service. At least he had been smarter than the Stark men who came before him.

Jon's hand instinctivly grabs Longclaw and unsheathed to a quarter, muscle memory he assumes. As he guards burst in the lowers it back down and doesn't move, then men are not as comptetent as Eddard's men had been. He sighs and looks at her 'She must have heard that cawing from those bloody ravens' he's always wondered if Bran could read minds, he hoped not.

"It is nothing to apologize for, we all have our demons, Sansa" Jon takes her hand again, squeezing it for reassurance, resisting the urge to hug her, an overwhelming urge , luckily he has more selfcontrol than that.

"I really do apologise for it. Robb often told me not to, but I never listen to him, thinking mothers words were more important. She was a wise woman, but she had her fault, faults I couldn't see as a kid." she gave him a honest smile before she sipped on her wine "However, truth be told I can't understand what father didn't told mother. She could keep a secret, and if she had known, she would have treated you differently. You would still be seen as a baster, but you would most likely have been like any of us"
Sansa wasn't sure how she would react if her future husband came home with another woman's child, she hoped she would act different from her mother. Maybe she would, knowing how Jon had it, but she could understand the pain her mother had felt. She knew her father loved her mother, so for him to keep the secret, was in her eyes strange. True it was to protect Jon, but letting her mother know, wouldn't have made much different, she wouldn't have told anyone, that at least what she liked to think. She didn't wish to have any secrets like that from her husband.

"Maybe, but if its forgotten, there's a chance of history repeating itself, and who is to say that it will have the same ending as this time. But maybe it's the worlds destiny, to be covered by darkness, snow and death" Maybe they had just put it off, maybe it was an impossible fight to win. The knight king was dead, but who said he couldn't come back? Sansa didn't knew enough about it to be sure, and the books that told the stories was often forgotten and long gone.

"You did the same thing, I admit, and it doesn't make you a bad man. Some may see your actions as bad, me I see them as good. I can almost see the regret in your eyes, and how you feel about it, but I am grateful. Without your actions she would rule, and the world would have been thrown into darkness, and I would most likely have been dead" it was no secret that she and Dany hadn't liked each other, and Sansa had no doubts that the mad Queen would have had her killed, not wishing to be opposed by her.

When Jon took her hand again she couldn't help it, she moved a bit closer, as she sought some sort of safety and comfort she rarely needed. She knew that if it was someone else, she wouldn't even have moved a bit. And it wasn't like she moved much, just enough to be selfish and being able to dream of things that really didn't existed. But the thought crossed her mind, what it would be like, having Jon comfort her when she got frightened, instead of dealing with it on her own.
"You are right, we all have our demons" she said in a calm voice, and when Ghost placed his head in her lap again, she started stroking the wolf.

"It's done now." He sighs "I do not blame her or you for the way you behaved, she was hurt and I was a constant reminder of another woman, if father hadn't forced her to let me stay, I might have ended up somewhere in the Eerie or with the Night's Watch much sooner than I did" He didn't hate Catelyn Stark, just the way she behaved , those glares and icy hateful looks are difficult to forget.

"If it does, let's pray that the people living then will fight as hard as we did to keep the Long Night at bay" his words are very calm , almost too calm. Jon can't help but to wonder if he might have to come again and fight the monsters again, in another life.

"My actions don't feel right, I doubt it ever will , even if they're seen as good or bad" he runs a hand through his hair, the dark curls spill through his fingers like an ocean, hiding his hand in the dark locks.

Jon moves to sit next to her, placing a protective arm around Sansa's lithe shoulders. He had barely noticed what he's done before he was there , pulling her into an warm embrace, loosing what selfcontrol he has , trying not to bury his face in her firey locks. "And we will fight them, at every turn" 'and I'll fight them off if you wish"

"It is true that it is all done, and nothing can change that. We can only hope that we can learn from their misstakes" Sansa hopped she could, and maybe there would be a time, when bastards didn't existed. Missandei had stated that bastards didn't existed from where she was. Marriage didn't work in the same way, and Sansa thought of it as beautiful, in a way. Since she hadn't experienced it, she couldn't say if it was a better solution or not, but she could admit that the idea was pleasant. She knew her country wasn't ready for something like that, and may never be, but who know, maybe one of her children would be able to make it a truth.

"As long as there are people like you, guarding us against them, I am sure they will" Sansa pressed Jon's hand. She knew that without him and the other Night's Watch, they would all have been dead. The South would never have been aware of what happened in the North, not until it was to late, not even the people in the North would have known. She may dislike Dany, but she could see why Jon had made the decision he did, and Sansa knew that they would be dead without her. Or mostly without her dragons. She wondered if it was even possible to win against them, without dragons? They had two, and yet they almost lost. Maybe the kingdoms would come together better in the future, hopefully everyone would be willing to fight for the living. If that was the case, they may have a better chance of surviving.

"Some actions may never feel right, even if its for the better good. Those are the ones we need to live with" she started, slowly reaching out for his hands and taking both of them, removing them from his hair. As she does she can't help but feel hos soft his hair is. She presses them and meets his eyes. "It get's easier with time, and hopefully also with the knowing of how many you saved. If you ever wish to speak about it, I am here. I have more than a few actions that never will feel right, even if it lead me to where I am today"
She had so many things in her past that was questionable, lying about how she felt towards her family, to save herself. Lying to save Little Finger when he killed her aunt, to save herself. Accepting Little Finger's help, in anyway, never felt right. And those were only a few of the things she had to live with.

Sansa almost lost her breath when he hugged her, she was taken by surprise, as she tried to hinder her smile to become to big, or her fantasy to spin off. But she leaned into the embrace, knowing she may never get the chance again. She closed her eyes, and for a second she just enjoyed the moment, wishing it could be like this all the time.
"We can't do much else then fight them, because letting them win isn't a alternative" she whispered to Jon, leaning against his shoulder.

"Hopefully we can. Pray that the ones that come after us are smarter and better" Children, is what Jon meant, of course but the word seemed difficult to say. Mayhaps it's because he's been thinking and drinking too much, makes your mind wander too much.


Mayhaps not but who is to say that men will be guarding it, the wall is broken and so is it's magic" Jon shakes his head. "The Night's Watch is almost no more" he says

He sighs softly as he feels her hands on his, and Sansa's gentle touch in his hair, wishing she was the one running her fingers through it, how sweet it would be. Laying in bed, his arm around her shoulders and Sansa with her hands in his hair, happily humming a song as touches her slightly round belly. It's a dangerous and vile thought he knows, cousin or not, they have been raised as siblings and only because he feels such joy when she's near does not mean he should push his perversion onto her, 'Sansa has already been through enough' he thinks. "If I had stopped her, she would not have burned the city, Sansa. I can't forgive myself for that, I was blinded .."

Jon tightens his embrace, taking in her scent. "And we will win, we must"

"As long as the parents know how to bring up their children, I am sure the future will be bright" she smiled towards him. She was sure that Jon's children would be able to make the future a better world. For a second she it as their children, being able to see how cleaver they could be, but she pushed that thought away. Hopefully their children could get to know each other, and learn from each other, and that was better than nothing. But if Jon was going back to beyond the wall and met someone there, she doubted that he could be here as much as she wished for. For a second she got sadden, but she pushed those feelings away, since it was impossible to know about the future. It was possible to speculate, but when there was emotions involved, she rather not.

"Everything is possible to rebuild, and I am willing to do that, seeing I prefer not to have the history repeat itself. I may not be able to make the magic come back, but I can help with money, rebuilding the wall, and sent men there. However, I would like to think that more people would go there, if they had a chance to visit their families, or take them with them" Sansa wasn't sure. The wall wasn't a lovely place, but she was sure it was possible to rebuild it, and make it better if you changed some things. And having families up there may be a challenge, but they could also help, making life better for everyone. But she wouldn't push that, at least not for now, but the responsibility was on her.

"You couldn't know she would do that. Tyrion made her promise to stop when the bell rang. There was no chance of knowing she would do that. It's like saying I could have stabbed and killed Cersie so many times in the past, and if I had, she hadn't been able to do the things she did. No one can know what the future holds, so don't blame yourself" she tries to tell him, to make him feel better.

"Yes we must. Because if we lose, we lose ourself" she whispered, as she closed her eyes, just enjoying having Jon's arms around her. The sound of the fire made her relax even more, and for the moment it felt like a dream, and she wouldn't do anything to interrupt it.