Dystopian Future

He could feel Rivik's anger at once, hearing the mans words, and he started growling, something Ezra felt comfort in. Especially in this situation. Upon hearing Zemin's words it felt like the man had lost it, like he himself had no control over the situation, which made Ezra even more unsure. How would he even react if he pushed him away now? Hearing and still seeing through Rivik's eyes, reminded him that he wasn't alone, that if something did happen, Rivik would defend him! Because for him it felt like Zemin would try something no matter what he did, and he hated to admit it, it scarred him more. Not that he feared death or pain, no he didn't wish to be forced into something he didn't wish for. He had yet to answer when he heard steps coming towards them, and for a second he feared it would be the fucking siren, making the situation worse, but he soon heard Xue's voice.

If the situation was another, he would most likely have thanked Xue, for his words, maybe even given him a smile, but he didn't move. At first it didn't seemed like Zemin even cared for his brothers words, and that worried Ezra even more, even if he guessed the younger brother would try to stop Zemin did he did something, especially before Rivik tried to kill him. But the words did get through to the werewolf and as soon as he let go of him Ezra backed away, faraway from him. Rivik still growled as he walked up to Ezra, placing himself next to him, and it didn't take long until the shaman took the fox into his arms, hugging him. Being a few steps away from Zemin made him calmer, but with the calm, anger came. He had managed to tell the other man about his past, at least parts of it, in attempt to make him understand, but it hadn't seemed to matter. Some part of Ezra was pleased that Zemin didn't care about it, but the scarred part was pissed. Pissed that the younger didn't took it into consideration when he approached him. Didn't care that he was scarred, how he felt or reacted. He only thought about himself. Ezra become more angry because he had tried to be nice to the man, give him something, even if it was just a hug, something that was a big step for him. He understood that they were different, but he couldn't give Zemin what he wished for, and even if he could, he didn't want to, not after what he just did.

He heard Zemin's words, but he didn't care to answer, actually not feeling bad for the man this time, not as he had done before. He regretted that he even came back, wishing to know how Zemin was doing. If he hadn't nothing would have happened and he would have been safe at home. He patted the fox, keeping him close as he glared at Zemin, still wishing to attack him.
"Let's go home" he said to Rivik after collecting himself enough to speak, and feeling he could walk without shake. He gave Xue a nod, as a thanks before he turned away from Zemin without a word and walked through the door, into the rain.

The same second as the door closed behind the fox and shaman, everything finally shattered to pieces. Zemin found himself in a pile on the floor, crying his eyes out accompanied by terrible sobbing. His entire body convulsed over and over again, until he eventually got so tired all he could do was lay down and breath heavily. The tears still fell even though the body was basically paralysed. He really couldn’t bring himself to move.
“You really fucked up”, Xue said and squatted down beside his older brother, stroking his hair with carefulness to his touch. “I mean, you screwed up big time, Zemin, and I hope you understand that”, he continued quietly before pulling him up in his strong arms.
“I know..I-I don’t k-know what I was t-thinking”, the older one sobbed and hid his face against the muscular chest.
“My guess is that you didn’t think and that your instincts took over”, the younger one mumbled and shook his head. “It’s bound to happen to all of us, but I think it’s hitting you in a very extreme way..I bet dad was never this bad and I doubt I will ever be.”
To be honest, the only joy that those words brought was the fact that Xue wouldn’t have to go through the same pain and confusion as the other wolf currently did. But aside from that, they didn’t help at all. It was rather the other way around, as Zemin started to think more of himself as a huge failure - a failure in being both a human and wolf. Because in the end, he was just that, a complete mess that couldn’t be contained. Just the fact that he’d completely ignored Ezras point of view proved that more than anything. He was greedy to the fucking core, deep within.

“Guys, what are you talking about? Stop being so goddam serious about this, you both know he can’t even help it”, Xayah complained from the kitchen before she stepped into the hallway. Her red hair had been put in a high ponytail and her skin seemed to have dried up, making her look more human. She was no longer a blueish colour and instead just pale and porcelain like. Very beautiful and alluring.
“Stop talking none sense, it doesn’t matter if he can help it or not”, Xue explained and rolled his eyes. “It’s a wolf thing, Xayah, you better stay out of it..did you finish making the sandwiches or what?” He thereafter asked, in an attempt to change the subject.
Meanwhile the two were speaking, Zemin had managed to get up to his feet. He walked straight past the siren, into the kitchen where he sank down on one of the old chairs. The pale, cold sweaty forehead hid the surface of the table in front of him and he let out a troubled sigh. It was all ruined now, wasn’t it? Ezra hated him and he’d destroyed what could had been a strong friendship. How greedy and stupid can one actually be?
Slowly the werewolf started banging his head against the table, making the dust fly around him in small clouds. All he could think of was how stupid he was. So. Fucking. Stupid. He would never be able to repair their relationship, not even if he put his whole mind into it. Because let’s face it, it was way too late for that. Mess up badly one time and you simply won’t get a chance to ever redeem yourself. That was how the world worked, werewolf or not.

“Stop that!” Xue exclaimed as he and Xayah finally joined Zemin in the kitchen. “Zemin, it’s really not worth it, okay?” He continued with desperation filling his voice, as well as worry.
“It is worth it, believe me”, the older wolf grunted and refused to stop with his self harming actions.
“It’s not”, the younger sibling persisted and managed to get a hold of the dark locks, keeping the man from hitting himself.
“Can you kill me or something? I’m not worthy of living..” Zemin whispered and locked eyes with Xue, whom now also'd gotten a teary gaze.
“Never. It will never happen, you stupid little idiot of a wolf. If you ever say that again, I’ll slap you in the face.”

Ezra didn't even notice the rain as he walked through it, anger disappearing for every step he took, to be replaced by emptiness. A feeling he couldn't ever remembering feeling before. He almost laughed a cold empty laugh, he had believed, if only for a second that contact was worth it, he had even thought that a hug could be more than scary, how stupid of him. He had been so utterly stupid, trusting someone to get so close, because it had felt nice, if only for a second. He should have listened to his body and run but instead he had trusted Zemins to some extent, even told him about himself, he really was stupid. At least he had learned from the situation, letting someone get close wasn't worth it! He reached the flat and walked inside.

"Are you okay?" Rivik asked worried, as he stroke himself against him, trying to comfort him.
"No! But at least I know that contact isn't worth it"
"I should have killed him!"
"Maybe that would have been for the best" he stated coldly as he started removing his clothes, preparing to take a shower, hoping to get warm once more.
"Just say the words and I will" Rivik told him from the kitchen.
"Just stay with me" Ezra begged as he started the shower.
"Of course"
"I am going to summon Jax, can you inform him"
"As you wish" Rivik answered and the wolf soon appeared and Ezra closed the door to the bathroom.

When he left the steamy bathroom, he was fully dressed and almost fell down, into his bed. The spirit placed themselves around him and he hugged Rivik, and rested hi head against Jax's.
"I am sorry Ezra, I thought they were okay" Jax licked his face and Ezra smiled.
"Not your fault, I thought the same" he said, almost surprising himself. Before the event he had thought that he maybe could get some friends beside the spirits, but he knew better now. "Let's just forget it, and try to sleep"
"We are here the whole time" Rivik answered him as Ezra closed his eyes.

Eventually the brothers decided that it’d be best if Zemin was kept locked up for the time being. During the days after the incident between him and Ezra, they made sure to somewhat furnish the attic. The bigger room become a bedroom with two separate beds, an old wardrobe and a desk at one end. They also made sure to fix the bathroom and change her all the holes in the walls and windows. After maybe a week or two, it had started to look like a proper area for living. It was at least good enough for Zemin to say in for the time being. To pass the time, he tried to occupy his mind in different ways. Firstly he tried to take care of himself, even though he didn’t deserve it. Xayah, whom was staying in the river right outside the pub, helped him to colour his hair to a light brown colour instead of black. She also gave him tons of beauty products that she’d atolen from various sellers.

After that, Zemin tried to take up his writing again, failing to the point of anxious breakdowns. He couldn’t concentrate and definitely not write or read anything of value. So instead, he become deeply depressed and started laying in bed all day long. Maybe he didn’t look sickly, but he definitely was. All thoughts went back to that fateful day that he’d yet again traumatised Ezra. That was basically the only thing he could think of.
The younger brother was, least to say, worried out of his mind and sometimes skipped his classes only to stay home with the depressed werewolf. After a while it’d gotten so bad Zemin forgot how to speak and turned to his true form. Or well, he hadn’t actually forgotten how to, but rather chose not to talk.

“So you’re just going to stay in that bed for the rest of your life then?” Xue asked and glared at Zemin from the doorframe. When he didn’t get an answer, he decided it was no use and headed down the stairs, to get to his class.
Life had become such a mess and the older werewolf didn’t seem to know how he’d ever get out of it. He felt as if all hope was lost and to be honest, it had finally started to become true. If he continued like this any longer, he would probably lose all his human aspects and be left with nothing but instincts. And what would happen then? Would he become completely feral? Probably, even if it was sad to even say so.

Ezra had avoided the pub the first days, trying to collect himself once more, and being able to sleep. The first days sleep was rare and whenever he managed to fall asleep, he had nightmares. Everything wasn't as bad as it had been in the past, but not far from it. Rivik and Jax was by his side all the time, supporting him, and watching over him, something he appreciated. He kept busy by working as well as he could from home, he couldn't do everything he needed, but he could do the simplest things, and it was enough to keep his position, and to keep his mind in check. He also focused on cooking food and new teas, things he normally found boring, even if he was good at it. But the simplest tasks could make him busy this days, and slowly he returned to normal, only colder and more distance.

The last days he had worked on the store, buying the things he needed, asking them to ship them to the pub, not wishing ot return just yet. He had put it off as long as he could, not visiting in two weeks. Rivik had complained about it, saying it was their property, and that the brothers should move, having no right to stay after what happened. Ezra had thought about it, actually thinking of throwing him them out, or rather Zemin, Xue hadn't done anything. It was true that he had no desire to be close to any of them, not at all, any despite being pissed off, he felt like he couldn't punish the younger one, drawing the line there, especially since Xue had helped him. But even with the younger one, who had stopped his brother, Ezra didn't wish to return. He didn't know if it was out of fear, or for the risk of killing the older wolf, maybe both. Rivik had said he should, saying that Zemin wasn't worth living! Ezra hadn't comment it, choosing not to think about it, rather pretending that the other man didn't exist. It wasn't a solution, but for now it had worked.

"Are we really going?" Jax asked happily as Ezra put on the gloves and hat.
"We are" he only answered, the wolf was excited to the she shop, wishing to know how it looked, Ezra could already guess, packages and boxes everywhere, and a lot of work for them, but he looked forward to it.
"He will he there, you know that, right?" Rivik asked as Ezra took him in his arms, preferring to carry the fox like that, for now at least.
"I am aware" he only answered coldly as he left the apartment.

The former pub was filled with boxes, covering most of the floor, and in high piles, but despite that he smiled. Most of the tables were removed to make room for the shelfs, and the once who wasn't were saved to have things on. He had decided to mask the shop as a collectors and antiquarian, focusing on the occult. He chose dark colours people would most likely think of as mysterious, but he had decided up on it so he could hide more in the shadows.
"Did you leaved anything in the other stores?" Rivik asked and Ezra just stroke the fox as he unpacked a birdcage, which he hang in the window, stacking it with a bird skeletton, with Jax walking around him wagging his tail and Rivik complaining on everything he did.

When the day that Ezra returned to the old pub finally arrived, the depressed wolf stayed even more in the shadows than he’d done during the previous weeks. He was extremely careful as to crawl close to the walls and the fluffy tail was constantly tucked in between his legs. Most of his humanity had managed to disappear during the last days and he acted exclusively on instinct, nothing more than an animal. At first he’d thought it’d be impossible to turn feral, but somehow he’d managed to. It actually felt quite relieving for the most part, except when a rouge, human thought pushed its way through. Luckily that didn’t happen too often and he was for the most part completely free of all his human aspects. Living as a wolf was a lot easier; he woke up in the morning, got some food from Xue, drank some water and then went back to his eternal slumber. Those were how all his days looked and hopefully would continue to look. To any other being it would have sounded like a miserable life but Zemin preferred that to constantly trying to go after a certain Ezra.

So when the day that the shaman finally came, he stayed well hidden below the radar. Not that he gave any thought to it or so, but the man had become a threat to the wolf after that rotten day two weeks ago. He just knew that Ezra had no good intentions when it came to the oldest werewolf. They could have been friends, maybe even more, but of course Zemin had to ruin that and be a creepy little bitch. Just look where that had gotten him - locked up in the basement with nothing to do. Except sleep, which was the only thing he currently enjoyed to do.
“You probably already know, but Ezra is back”, Xue said as he walked past his older brother, to head down the stairs. “I’ll lock the door front he outside, so don’t even try to come downstairs”, he continued and left a small pat between the soft ears.
Xue already knew he’d not get any answer, but he still felt that it was important to regularly have conversations with Zemin. Or else he’d probably become an actual wolf and forget who he actually was, and that was a big no no.
He quietly shut the door leading into the attic and locked it, before finding his way down the stairs. As he passed one of the rooms, he smiled briefly and waved towards the owner of the building.
“Hi, Ezra”, the young wolf began and dig down his hands into his pockets. “How have ya been? Oh, an by the way, you don’t have to worry about my idiot brother..I’ve locked him up”, he explained with a nervous laugh and pulled a somewhat trembling hand through his hair. For some reason he felt as if the man had become more..scary, than the last time he’d seen him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, however he could still feel it. It just felt cold, really, really cold.

"Open this, open this" Jax jumped up and down, looking at a box as he had done all day. Ezra let him do that with a smile as Rivik sighed.
"You were there when we bought them, it will not be a surprise in one of them" the fox complained, but he also looked, saying it was only so the Shaman could see, but Ezra knew better. Rivik was also curious, but he didn't comment it as he opened the box, revealing books.
"That's boring" Jax sighed as he started sniffing the other boxes, deciding which they should take next.
"Hm" Rivik looked at the titles as Ezra took them into his arms and started placing them on the shelfs.
"I think you would enjoy this" he placed a book on the floor, in front of Rivik who got pleased.
"Better than most of the crap in here" he only said, earning a warm laugh from Ezra as he walked over to the next box Jax had decided, and opened it.
"Oh whats that?" the wolf looked at the strange mask.
"An old legend. It was said to belong to a assassin who lived here hundred of years ago" Ezra looked at the mask before he put it on, only to earn a laugh from the spirits. "You are always so encouraging"
"You look like an idiot" Rivik said before he returned to the book, forcing Ezra to read it as well. Luckily for the fox, he had started finding his way around the shop and he walked over to the counter, avoiding all the boxes and placed the mask on the shelf behind the counter.
"Next one!" Jax pushed a box towards him.
"No need to rush!" Ezra walked over, soon finding the box and opened it, to reveal a black teaset.
"You are not selling that I hope!" Rivik looked at him, in what Ezra guessed was a warning look, being unable to tell since he only saw himself.
"No, this one is for me and you Rivik!" the fox nodded, pleased by the answer and Ezra placed it on the counter and stood up, just as he heard steps.

The spirits was on their guard and Jax even growled until they saw Xue. Jax stopped growling actually walking over to the younger man, wagging his tail. The wolf had missed the man more than the other two. Rivik walked over to Ezra, protecting him and at first Ezra gave Xue a cold empty look, before he forced himself to give him something that resembled a smile.
"Hello" he politely answered "I have been fine"
He knew that the younger one didn't deserve his crappy attitude, but what had he expected, that he had been fine?
"Good, hope you threw away the key" Rivik glared at Xue, and Ezra chose not to defend the wolf. He wasn't a fan of locking people up, far from it and he wasn't sure if he had done that despite what Zemin did, but he had no intention to say it was wrong.
"Good to know" he answered as he placed a few book on the counter. "I hope you have been fine as well?"
He managed to ask, almost pleased by himself for doing so.

Even though Ezra and Xue were having their little conversation a couple of floors down, Zemin could hear the shamans voice loud and clear. It echoed through the room and bounced back and forth when it hit the freshly painted walls. He could distinguish how the younger brother squatted down to greet Jax before he stood back up to, probably, observe the other man.
“Are you sure you’ve actually been fine? It’s okay to feel otherwise, you know that right?” Xue stated and started moving around on the spot, acting as if he was anxious or likewise. “Zemin was deeply in the wrong when I last saw you, but he regrets it. A lot”, he continued, in an obvious attempt to explain the situation
The wolf upstairs frowned and rolled over, staring out through one of the newly cleaned windows. Regret didn’t even begin to explain how he felt. No, the regret was only a small part of it, while the shame took up most of the space concerning that aspect. He closed both eyelids and tried desperately to hold in the tears that tried to push their way out. Wolves don’t cry, wolves don’t cry, wolves don’t cry. But he did, because he wasn’t only a wolf. If he had been, life would had been much easier and less painful.

Zemin rose to his feet and tried to shut off his hearing, so that he wouldn’t be so goddam affected by the conversation below. It was almost laughable how he immediately went back to his old ways when he heard Ezras voice. He kicked the leftovers of the pork bones across the floor and let out an annoyed sigh. Thank god Xue had locked the door into the basement, or who knew what could have happened.
The amber eyes fell into the newly assembled bookcase before he quickly looked away. Reading was no good as he couldn’t concentrate. Before he could read tons of books and literally eat up all the information to later store it in his brain. Everything had been so easy and he’d had such a great future ahead of him. Zemin had been only a year away from becoming an actual doctor, with maybe two exams and an essay left. Now everything laid I pieces and he was basically the opposite of a doctor. He’d sworn to never harm another living being, and look where that had gotten him in the end.

Another piteous sigh escaped him and he decided that it was of no use to think about all that stupid stuff. It laid in the past and there was nothing he could do to turn back the time. No being could do that, at least not that he knew of. Being a werewolf was one of the worst species out there. They had no real powers, no actual skills. What was even the point of having to turn into a wolf? What good did it actually result in? In comparison with someone like Ezra or a vampire, he was completely useless. And the sad truth was that Xue was in the exact same boat.
Zemin made a quick grimace before he took a leap towards one of the beds, where he dug the nose down in the sheets and shut the amber eyes. It was at least nice to have a bed again and to be honest he had nothing to complain about. Sooner or later, the pain would slowly start to fade and everything would return to normal. He didn’t care if t took one year of ten, as long as it happened sometime in the future.

"I am fully aware" he answered, almost giving Xue an cold look for informing him of something you told a child. "But no need to worry, I am fine know, I just needed to be reminded of a few things, so maybe I should thank Zemin for doing that"
The voice was sarcastic before he sighed and started unpacking another box. He was fine, not as he had been before, when he for a few days actually thought he could change, maybe get friends besides the spirits, and stop hiding in the dark, to some extent at least. But Zemin had shown him it was all a ridicules thought, trusting people and stepping outside his sphere wasn't worth it, not at all. Telling someone about himself got him nowhere, just as being friendly didn't. Well Xue hadn't been unfriendly to him, and he had helped him, buy why risk it. And what said that the brother couldn't turn out to be the same. However, seeing that Xue hadn't done anything yet, Ezra at least tried to keep it as a civile level, even if it was hard. He wasn't sure if it was because the other looked like Zemin, they were back at the pub or if it was enough that it was another being? But he really struggled with it, and maybe he should just give in, not even trying, seeing it really wasn't something he was interested in. He had no desire to get friends, to have someone close or someone to care about, besides the spirits. He placed a few books and bones on the counter as Xue continued talking.

"Like we would believe that" Rivik stated coldly, glaring at Xue. Ezra stayed silent at first, he had no problem seeing that the man regretted it all, no problem at all, but it had still happen, nothing could change that. Ezra couldn't even be sure that the man wouldn't try anything again if he was released. That he even needed to be locked up spoke for itself, something was really wrong with the man.
"Everyone deserves a second chance" Jax stated looking up at Xue, wagging his tail.
"That's bullshit, everyone does not deserve a second chance!" Rivik snapped and Ezra understood him, a lot of people didn't deserve second chances. It wasn't something you just got because you were sorry, no most didn't deserve it. He wasn't sure when it came to Zemin, he wasn't willing to risk it, absolutely not! But if it had happened to someone else, he may have told them to forgive Zemin, he couldn't be sure.
"They do!" Jax stated and Ezra knew the two spirits would never agree to this, so he only raised his hand to stop them from arguing, not interested in hearing it, not when it came to Zemin. As he placed the books on the shelf before he turned towards Xue.
"No surprising, he is quite sensitive, but I am unsure of what you want me to answer. If you want me to say I forgive him, you are speaking to deaf ears" he coldly stated, hoping that wasn't what the brother wished for.

“He really is though”, Xue persisted and pulled his eyebrows tighter together. “I don’t expect you lot to forgive him or anything, I just don’t want you to hold it against him forever”, he continued quietly.
Zemin could sense how the brother smiled, even though he couldn’t actually see his face. The younger one had a tendency to always try to lighten any situation up. He was generally kind, caring and completely gorgeous. As soon as he went into a room it would just light up immediately and he didn’t have any lack of admirers at school either. Neither had the older sibling had, but he was also as gay as they come and it had been excruciatingly obvious. Even if he’d been very shy and careful during his school years, he’d always ended up in one of the bathroom stalls having shitty sex. However that only happened during the heats, otherwise he’d stayed away from all sort of contact. Hopefully Xue didn’t follow in his tracks. It’d just end bad eventually like it had done for Zemin. Maybe he should’ve just stayed at home during the heats back in the day? Maybe he should’ve done just that two weeks ago, when he very well knew that his mind was a mess and the body a craving wreck.

“I don’t believe everyone should get a second chance”, Xue mumbled after some silence. “But I do believe my brother deserves one. And he doesn’t deserve this cold attitude of yours. Look, I understand that you have a really messed up past and that the smallest things can bring back memories, however that doesn’t mean people won’t make mistakes. The only reason Zemin was being all over the place was due to the heat. It’s just something that happens to any fully matured werewolf and we can’t control it. I have to go through it, he has to and everybody else like us has to in general. All I’m asking is for you to please understand”, he finally finished and took a deep breath, as if talking had been a very heavy task. For some reason he stuttered quite a lot - something that never happened. Not only that, Zemin could feel that the younger one was extremely tense and somewhat frightened. Judging by Ezras cold words and aura, he guessed it was because of that. Hell, he’d also been terrified if someone was suddenly acting so cold and inhuman. The only thing that kept the wolf from knocking down the door to protect his baby brother, was the fact that Jax was there. Wolf or not, he still looked like one and that was enough. He probably didn’t understand what the real deals had to go through, but at least he seemed to try to understand.

Zemin started walking in front of the closed, locked door with both ears stroked back against his head. The entire feeling of the situation was really unsettling and he definitely worried. That’s why his prancing didn’t stop and instead continued during what felt like ages. If something were to happen he would quickly be able to tear down the door and just run to Xues rescue. In that moment Ezra didn’t matter for shit, even if he’d done the same for the man if he turned up to be in any sort of danger. Just thinking in those lines of thought was a clear step in the right direction. Family before love, or whatever it was. Right now he only considered the shamans voice as hard and cold, not rude but just inhuman. And that, that didn’t sit right with the werewolf who couldn’t understand what had turned him so distant. Was it really that moment of unwanted contact? Didn’t Ezra understand how that he’d been a terrible mistake? Damn, Zemin kind of wanted to go down there only to shake some sense into the man whom he’d thought of as a friend. He didn’t wish for that to fully go away - the growing friendship. They could very well had become buddies if that little misstep hadn’t taken place.